Wednesday, February 26, 2014

one day

It's on 1:35 am and I have worked on my computer more than 4 hours. work is infinite these days and every day is a clean slate. why is that you ask?
It's because I am wrestling with dragons and fighting against windmills or so it seems. at least to me.

On Feb 14th, 11 days ago a press release was made that german midwives are no longer covered by insurance starting in July 2015. This means most of our midwives are no longer allowed to do what they do best, help bringing babies into this world.
With the help of a few people on Facebook we started a discussion group which gained in a little less than 48 hours 10.000 members. a day later my husband and I started to work on a website. at first only in our minds, toying with the idea. thinking if it would work out.
we worked almost day and night for one week. together on separate computers to fill this website with life, content and heart.
and so we did.

it's crazy how things happen when you least expect them and I totally try to go with the flow, but a part of me really wants to go back. to silent knitting nights, to watching netflix endlessly. which I haven't in  what feels like an eternity. instead I work and listen to the silence on Facebook in the wee hours of the mornings.
I wish I could time travel and see what the coming weeks and months hold, but truth is I can't.

only I can do is trust.
trust where I should go. trust where I need to go and hoping it will all teach me a lesson or two in between. there are moments of negativity where I think this will not lead to a desired solution anyway. in a way it may be so. In another it might not.
If I sit in my home all day thinking about what could be doesn't change the truth. and to change the truth I have to do something, anything. so, I use my home as a main headquarter for emails, websites, organization, flyer, sticker, poster, discussions and phone calls.

and yet, all I want to go is back.
hello change. today I am too stroppy to lean into you.
I'm not ready.


1 comment:

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh no. I am sorry about the insurance. I will pray about your new venture.